Let’s say hello to Rick, also known to people as “Zombie Boy” for plunking down over five grand on his… ahem.. “body art”.

Logically, if we can put cheeseburgers and bacon into a can, why not a whole chicken? No giblets, though. But I bet if you send in enough UPC’s…

Since, as Yahoo wants to point out, “everything is spinning out of control”, now would be a good time to review exactly what to do in the actual event of an apocalypse. Honestly, once gas hits $5.00 a gallon, your neighbors will no doubt choose cannibalism, zombie hunting and motorcycle gangs than mass transit.

The famous “Elvis in a casket” photo has left the building… and has been presumably shredded!

From Tasty Booze: An Arkansas preteen faces a drunken driving charge after he and a friend drank his parents’ beer, “got liquored up” and crashed his stepfather’s pickup truck. The jokes practically write themselves here, people. [Tasty Booze]

I haven’t been to a QuikTrip in about 8 years, but I doubt it would ever be the place for a meeting, a party, a wedding…. wait, someone’s going to have a wedding there? Do tell:
Brother and I were discussing this ad nauseum yesterday. Our family has done some pretty spectacular fucked up stuff…but this [...]

Have you seen a poor man’s wang.  No, seriously.  he can’t seem to find it.
Just when you thought you’ve heard of everything on the Internet, here comes another story that just screams, “I need to get out more often”.
Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink [...]

It started with Sigfried and Roy’s tiger taking a chunk out of Roy’s head.  Then that mountain lion in California.  Last but not least, the death of Charlton Heston, no doubt planned by our “friends:, the primates.
And now, this:  Rocky, the bear from “Semi-Pro” went (literally) for the jugular and killed his trainer.
Three experienced handlers [...]

“I’m erotically obsessed with Alvin [the Chipmunk]. I talk about that on my Christmas show, how I wanted to have sex with Alvin”, says the man who once filmed a 300-pound transvestite eating real dog shit.  Still, people think this John is getting “weirder”.  Go figure.

CHIPMUNK TITILLATES WATERS [New York Post via Fark]

Way down in the Ozarks (Eugene Springs, Arkansas, to be precise), people from all over the fringes of sanity gathered at the Inn of the Ozarks (catchy name!) for the 20th annual UFO Conference.
One of the guests, Don Ray Walton of the Orion star system (but comfortably living in Texas), was nice enough to share the [...]